Wednesday, 25 March 2009

  • The Official Guide to Aborting Your Baby


    The Official Guide to Writing Official Guides told me that this was a really bad topic for an Official Guide. Naturally, I couldn't resist. So here it is:

    THE OFFICIAL GUIDE TO ABORTING YOUR BABY**

    - First, think about all of the ways that having a baby will ruin your life. I mean seriously. You have to feed them and clean them like every day! This is a lot of work and it will cut into your partying big time. Not to mention they make all kinds of noise and they usually smell funny. Reflecting on this will give you the motivation you need!

    - Next, check to make sure that your unborn baby doesn't have a soul yet. This can be very tricky without the proper equipment. One easy way to tell is if you have a zombie friend handy. Zombies only like to eat creatures with souls, so if your zombie friend goes for your belly, you know that an abortion is out of the question. Of course if you're not quick, your zombie friend may take care of the abortion for you anyway*.

    - Get a good disguise. You never know which of your friends or relatives will turn out to be a protester at an abortion clinic. Dressing up like a nun works great - it will confuse the protesters long enough for you to get through the mob unscathed.

    - And finally, say goodbye to your soulless fetus! (Assuming of course you carried out step 2 successfully). The options are endless - vacuums, pills, scrapers. The choice is yours!

    And there you have it, the Official Guide to Aborting Your Baby. It's not easy, but with a little work and dedication, you can do it! Oh and by the way if you enjoyed this guide or found it useful, then
    Please recommend it! Thanks!
    (sorry the official guide told me that this is an important part of official guides)

    * Warning: Never let zombies anywhere near your belly, or any other body parts for that matter.
    ** In case you didn't catch it, this is meant in jest. Laugh already!

    *update* In case you don't want to go to a clinic for your abortion, this video provides another option. Oh my.

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